Love and boundaries are both equally important in any relationship.
It took me many years of my life to be able to distill this knowledge into a statement that is so simple.
But from intense experiences with family, and with romantic relationships, plus an informal study of traumatic & toxic relationships online, I eventually figured it out.
One of the most extreme cases in point came from an account of child abuse I read on the internet. The author said at the end of the book that she learned to view her abusive father as a pet who became rabid. At heart she loved the dog, but she could not go anywhere near him, because that would be putting herself at risk.
The analogy became really clear for me with that extreme example. And I realized that the basic axiom of love and boundaries applies to just about any relationship in our lives. It’s just a matter of the degree & type of boundaries that we need to set with each person.
Especially when you consider the spiritual ideas that “all is love” & “we all are connected” & “let’s all just love each other” — those sayings clearly depict a world of interconnection. As a Christian child I was taught to “love everyone”, & I sincerely grew up believing that I did.
However eventually most of us have to reconcile such lofty spiritual ideas with the reality of damaged & toxic behavior from people in this world.
Most of the boundaries we need to set with people are more along the lines of the way they talk or interact with us, including our physical selves, or the demands they make on us & our time.
The boundaries you have with a romantic partner will obviously be different from the boundaries you have with coworkers, family & friends.